1 year ago today, I hit a really low low. I was ideating, and disappointed to not have the supplies on hand that I was ideating about to actually execute the plan. With my husband's help, we called my therapist and the crisis line, then made our way to the ER. 1 year ago, tonight, … Continue reading An Anniversary
A few weeks back, my therapist and I were working on some EMDR around when I first started having any sort of ideation thoughts, which I started describing in a post late last year. In doing this work, and working through times in my childhood where I felt alone, she asked me to sit with … Continue reading Encountering the Inner Child
We all know how the saying goes. “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” In a lot of ways, I’ve lived that saying almost too well. Telling a perfectionist with trust issues something like this will result in an exhausted, drained wreck. AKA: me, most of my life. However, there is one area … Continue reading If You Want Something Done Right
You know that feeling after a really intense gym session, or some other more intense physical exercise (at least, more intense than your usual)? There's a couple, right? Like the right-after feeling, when you feel drained, spent, but really good about yourself. There's also the "next day" feeling. The "next day," at least for me, … Continue reading The Next Day
TW: In this post I talk about suicidal ideation (SI) in concept, though not in detail, and about some maladaptive (non-violent, illness/injury-based) daydreams I've had over the years. So, after a hiatus of a couple of months, my therapist and I have re-entered the realm of EMDR over the past couple of weeks. Originally, I … Continue reading Shifting Focus
Wow! It's been about an eon since my last Victories post, and yet, so many victories have happened since then! Some I won't detail here, since they've been the topic of their own posts (like choosing to go inpatient and doing the Cog-IOP), but there are others that I'd like to go over, some big … Continue reading Celebrating Victories #8
"Back to life, back to reality," - Soul II Soul My apologies if this post feels a little disjointed or lacks a smooth flow; I’m prioritizing posting over perfection, which ties perfectly into some of the work I’ve been doing. When I first took leave from work, I had all these plans of grandeur, of … Continue reading Back to Reality
I haven’t done the best job in updating my blog the past few weeks, mostly because I’ve been focused on getting the most out of this Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Intensive Outpatient Program that I’m in (aka: Cog). It can be hard, draining work challenging distortions and beliefs that you’ve been forming and protecting yourself with … Continue reading Exposure Experiment and Mickey Ears
This series has taken what seems like forever to finish, not because I’m ashamed of what happened, or because I don’t want to talk about it, but because the story keeps continuing, and more and more keeps happening in life. I’ll briefly go over the last bit of my time in the hospital, as well … Continue reading First Time in Inpatient – And Beyond
So, ever since giving myself the room to not follow an "every Friday" posting schedule, I've noticed that my posts have, well, trailed off. I'm finding other things to do with my evenings and I'm not focusing as much on writing in general. My first instinct is to get upset with myself, but, realistically, I … Continue reading A Brief Update
Writing Out My Storms 