1 year ago today, I hit a really low low. I was ideating, and disappointed to not have the supplies on hand that I was ideating about to actually execute the plan. With my husband's help, we called my therapist and the crisis line, then made our way to the ER. 1 year ago, tonight, … Continue reading An Anniversary
It’s been a little while, though not as long between posts this time as it has been in the fairly recent past. One of the stranger things about really working on healing, is, often, it’s hard to really express everything that’s going on. There has been quite a bit going on, though, and I’ll try … Continue reading Update Time
TW: In this post I talk about suicidal ideation (SI) in concept, though not in detail, and about some maladaptive (non-violent, illness/injury-based) daydreams I've had over the years. So, after a hiatus of a couple of months, my therapist and I have re-entered the realm of EMDR over the past couple of weeks. Originally, I … Continue reading Shifting Focus
“This is a story all about how My life got flipped turned upside-down…” - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince 10 years ago, my world felt upside-down. I had just left my ex-husband and moved back in with my grandparents. I was struggling to catch up on car payments, in order to try and … Continue reading Finding a Port in the Storm
So, ever since giving myself the room to not follow an "every Friday" posting schedule, I've noticed that my posts have, well, trailed off. I'm finding other things to do with my evenings and I'm not focusing as much on writing in general. My first instinct is to get upset with myself, but, realistically, I … Continue reading A Brief Update
“Behold God beholding you…and smiling.” - Anthony de Mello, S.J. This past Monday, for the first time since the 14th of December, I went into the office for work. It was also the first time I’d worked at all since December 18th. Waking up to my alarm, getting dressed, packing up my work backpack with … Continue reading Potential and Positivity
If you ever go to the island of Hawaiʻi and visit Mauna Kea, the tallest mountain in the state, you’ll encounter a very strange sign. As you drive up the occasionally winding road towards the visitor’s center, which sits at an elevation of 9,200 feet above sea level, you may see a sign that would … Continue reading Holidays, Anxiety and Invisible Cows
If you’ve been following my past few posts, it’s been pretty clear that I’ve been struggling. Struggling with keeping on top of my healthy habits, struggling with keeping up with my writing, struggling against the pulls of the constant undertow of depression. Well, I’m over it. I’m tired of struggling, tired of reacting to my … Continue reading Reaching for a Fresh Start
As I was looking through my past posts, and saw that it’s been a month since my last victories post, I realized it was about time for another one. “But,” doubtful, depression and anxiety-driven mental voice says, “the past month has been so tough, and you haven’t really made any forward movement. In fact, you’ve … Continue reading Celebrating Victories #5
It strikes me as odd to write a post about writer’s block, about struggling to write, and about not knowing what to write a post about, but that’s what this is. I have gotten into a routine since starting this blog, where I start drafting for Friday’s post sometime between when the previous week publishes … Continue reading When Words Fail
Writing Out My Storms 