So…. It’s been a while since my last entry. Quite a while. Years, really. The initial lack of posting was far from intentional, but, as time went along, I felt more and more distanced from the blog and the mental health community as a whole. The feeling was not necessarily due to any sort of offence or anything like that. Nor is it because I suddenly don’t feel connected to the cause of mental health awareness. The lack of posts has been from a far less fantastical reason: Life.
In fact, I had started this post in August of 2020. I never finished it, or posted it, but, why not, right? Below, in italics, is most of what was sitting in drafts for over 4 years, which I will send out to the ether that is the internet because I can. Will I post some more, catch up on where my life has gone in the past 4 years, and how I’m dealing with my mental health? That’s the goal. Fingers crossed, right?
First of all, I’d had every intention to follow up on my last post. I had put together some plans and everything. The reality of quarantine life, however, left far less “down time” than I had expected. Work persisted. I am able to work remote and have been doing so throughout the pandemic. Not only has it continued, but I have been busier than usual. Beyond that, I spent the first couple of months trying to find my feet, trying to find some semblance of stability in the storm that has been a global pandemic.
Therapy has continued weekly throughout, though out of necessity, sessions have been via Zoom. Doing EMDR over Zoom has been an interesting experience, though it has been aided by the fact that, towards the beginning of the pandemic, we decided to invest in our own set of thera-tappers. Being able to have that sort of normalcy in the chaos was quite helpful. And, despite the chaos of the pandemic, the upheaval of our daily routines, I was able to make some good progress, which leads to the second reason I haven’t been posting as much.
In spite of the unpredictability of life in a pandemic, I’ve been feeling better. Much better. Would I consider my depression and anxiety “cured” or “gone”? Absolutely not. I still have rough days, and times when I feel more “activated” than normal (and, in fact, the past few days have fallen into that latter category). The difference now is that it’s not as disruptive. I am able to accept big feelings as they come, cry if I need to, breathe through anxiety if I need to, and stay connected to my here and now. In feeling a bit better, I haven’t been feeling as tuned into the mental health community. I’ve been speaking up for mental health, for sure, and bringing up that the chaotic up and downs that go with persistent uncertainty is a great way to empathize with people who live with mental health issues.
Writing Out My Storms 