1 year ago today, I hit a really low low. I was ideating, and disappointed to not have the supplies on hand that I was ideating about to actually execute the plan. With my husband's help, we called my therapist and the crisis line, then made our way to the ER. 1 year ago, tonight, … Continue reading An Anniversary
It’s been a little while, though not as long between posts this time as it has been in the fairly recent past. One of the stranger things about really working on healing, is, often, it’s hard to really express everything that’s going on. There has been quite a bit going on, though, and I’ll try … Continue reading Update Time
We all know how the saying goes. “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” In a lot of ways, I’ve lived that saying almost too well. Telling a perfectionist with trust issues something like this will result in an exhausted, drained wreck. AKA: me, most of my life. However, there is one area … Continue reading If You Want Something Done Right
You know that feeling after a really intense gym session, or some other more intense physical exercise (at least, more intense than your usual)? There's a couple, right? Like the right-after feeling, when you feel drained, spent, but really good about yourself. There's also the "next day" feeling. The "next day," at least for me, … Continue reading The Next Day
TW: In this post I talk about suicidal ideation (SI) in concept, though not in detail, and about some maladaptive (non-violent, illness/injury-based) daydreams I've had over the years. So, after a hiatus of a couple of months, my therapist and I have re-entered the realm of EMDR over the past couple of weeks. Originally, I … Continue reading Shifting Focus
Wow! It's been about an eon since my last Victories post, and yet, so many victories have happened since then! Some I won't detail here, since they've been the topic of their own posts (like choosing to go inpatient and doing the Cog-IOP), but there are others that I'd like to go over, some big … Continue reading Celebrating Victories #8
“This is a story all about how My life got flipped turned upside-down…” - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince 10 years ago, my world felt upside-down. I had just left my ex-husband and moved back in with my grandparents. I was struggling to catch up on car payments, in order to try and … Continue reading Finding a Port in the Storm
I haven’t done the best job in updating my blog the past few weeks, mostly because I’ve been focused on getting the most out of this Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Intensive Outpatient Program that I’m in (aka: Cog). It can be hard, draining work challenging distortions and beliefs that you’ve been forming and protecting yourself with … Continue reading Exposure Experiment and Mickey Ears
If you ever go to the island of Hawaiʻi and visit Mauna Kea, the tallest mountain in the state, you’ll encounter a very strange sign. As you drive up the occasionally winding road towards the visitor’s center, which sits at an elevation of 9,200 feet above sea level, you may see a sign that would … Continue reading Holidays, Anxiety and Invisible Cows
I had started another entry for this week, which will probably be published next week, because something else came up that I really wanted to share, and sooner rather than later. On Tuesday afternoon, I had a fairly routine appointment with my doctor. As I’m sure has been fairly obvious to my readers, I’ve been … Continue reading On Meds, or Off?
Writing Out My Storms 